update on mammo

Good news, the only reason I have to go back for a 6 month mammo is because they only got the right side. So in 6 months they want both sides. Phew! There went my over active imagination . . . . knowing more medical stuff sometimes is worse than knowing nothing at all.

And even better news, TobyMac is coming back to Tulsa in December. YEAH!! J might come with me. He has moved on from Wiggly concerts and is now singing TobyMac. (Although he only knew 1 phrase of Boomin'--but he sang it over and over and over--I sang the rest) :)

mammo

At age 30, I really didn't think I would have 2 mammograms under my belt, ok bra. But I have. I just went for my 6 month check up.

Let's describe the process. First, they mark your moles/skin tags (which I have many thanks to Sus) so I have stickers on my chest. Then they mark my scar. (It' s been a really hard summer with my new scar. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be. I've had to put clothes back on the rack because it shows. And is ugly. And big. And red. And on really, I mean REALLY, pale skin it shows up.) So here I am, bare chested in a short pink gown with stickers all over my chest. (Plus a cold room . . . . ) Then you have to step up to a large machine. Think of a large metal tabletop that's about 40 degrees. The lady grabs your breast and holds it while she lowers this really big, clear, cold plastic thing on your boob. And says hold it. It hurts. It really does feel like having your boob smashed in a fridge. And stretching. And it makes wierd noises. All the while I'm thinking about all the radiation going into my body. And your arm is over the machine, hugging it, like you're friends or something. Just so you get the mental picture.

Then there's me, knowing more than I let on to the tech. So I'm running, as soon as the machine loosens it grip on my chest, to look at all 3 pictures. Back and forth, Back and forth. When I went in February there was a BIG white abnormality in all the pictures. This time it was gone. But my radiology skills are not the best so I thought I'd wait to hear from my doctor.

I was told in February that I'd go for a 6 month mammogram to use as my new baseline mammogram. Then I'd go yearly.

But I was called and told I'm suppose to go back for ANOTHER mammogram in 6 months. Needless to say, I'm a little scared. Well, not scared but worried. My boobs are so asymmetric now I really can't afford to lose more. Then I'll be sewing all my bras together. Because the cup sizes are going to be so different. I haven't seen the surgeon yet.

I'm not sure I'd be able to pass it off that I'm handling it well if I didn't have my Effexor. . . . maybe that's why I'm not sleeping. Oh worry. . . . .

But God is faithful. If it is something to worry about I'm sure they'd have me in sooner. It's hard not to think the worst. . . .

questions for God

There are some things I want to ask God when I get to heaven. Not that I want to go anytime soon, but I want it known I have some things that I wonder about.

Since it was God's design . . . .

1. Why do we stink when we sweat? Why couldn't we smell good when we sweat, like sweating Dolce and Gabana's Light Blue? Just a thought.

2. Why do all the "good" foods make you fat? Why couldn't a big hunk of chocolate cake be really good for you? And fish make you fat. Sure would fill up the oceans that way.

3. Why do you gain weight by being lazy? Couldn't you build muscle just by lazing around on the couch?

I know the majority of these answers have to do with The Fall. I know Adam and Eve had it good. They probably had a tree of chocolate cake.

I yearn for heaven. Where I won't have to 'work' anymore. And I can just sit at the feet of Jesus and learn all day. And practice medicine with the Great Healer.

denver tornadoes

Does anyone else find it funny that the Democratic National Convention is in Denver and yesterday they had 4 tornadoes? Does God have to use drama to get our attention or what?

Helen

My grandmother's sister, Helen, has been sick for the past two months following a surgery that was suppose to make her better. There were times we didn't think she'd make it through the night. But our God is a Healer. Here's what my cousin Amy sent me in an email today. The poem is by my uncle Harry, Helen's husband. What an amazing God we have.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Since I last wrote so much has happened. On July 17th Gram was moved from Liberty ICU to LTAC Hospital. LTAC is a longterm acute care hospital that specializes in weaning people from the ventilator and wound care. The transition to the new hospital went very well. The next morning I flew out for San Antonio then Mexico for a 2 ½ week medical mission trip. God had laid this trip on my heart at the beginning of 2008. In the weeks prior to my departure a battle began in my heart. I had been with Gram every possible moment since she got sick. I would now be gone for 2 ½ weeks. God used a variety of people to remind me that God was the one in control of Gram’s healing not me. Before I left Gram was still very confused, fully on the ventilator, and had the wound vac on the abdominal wound. She still had a long ways to go before we could even be sure we would one day get to take her home. Climbing on the plane for San Antonio was a very difficult thing to do but once on the plane I had a tremendous peace that Gram was going to do great while I was gone.

When I got back Gram had been breathing on her own about 6 days, her abdominal wound was healing so well and it was so small they had discontinued the wound vac (the machine helping her wound heal) and were now just doing dressing changes every shift. We realized that a lot of Gram’s confusion was probably from chronic sleep deprivation. If you have ever been in an ICU you know they are very loud. This coupled with the need for the nursing staff to be continuously “messing” with her during the night Gram was exhausted. She had made so much progress they were able to move her out of the ICU to the regular floor and change part of her nightly routine allowing her more sleep. In very short order our Gram was back in rare form and the confusion was gone. She wanted to hear all that she had missed out on for the past few months. I am continuously amazed God blessed us with this miracle.

Yesterday she had her trach taken out and the hole is healing wonderfully! They have stopped her tube feedings at night so she needs eat all of her caloric needs. Not eating for so long coupled with her hiatal hernia (stomach in her chest) makes her fill up very quickly. Please pray she can eat enough for her to continue to heal and the energy she needs. We are currently planning on moving to the Living Community the end of this week. She is looking forward to being back in St. Joe. She loves phone calls, cards and visits.

Thank you all so much for your phone calls, messages, emails, visits and hugs. When things seemed the bleakest and the Lords will was unclear for the final outcome you all were the support we needed. More importantly thank you for your prayers! We had wonderful doctors and nurses caring for Gram but medicine is only a tool in the hands of The Healer. My eyes are getting misty as I’m typing this. Words can not express how grateful our whole family is for each and everyone of you. Gramps has written three poems since Gram’s been sick. Below is the most recent. Again, thank you all SO SO SO much! We have witnessed a miracle!

To Him be the glory,
Amy

He has performed a Miracle!
Dear God, we prayed and prayed and prayed
As we are inclined to do,
We asked for this on miracle,
That only comes through you!
For June the first until this day,
We’ve watched your healing power,
You’ve shown us, each one daily
How you heal in the darkest hour!
In this hospital room we keep praying,
As she improves from day to day
You’ve improved her breathing and walking,
You’ve only done it God’s way!
The doctors and nurses are super,
Humble and helpful in every way,
They’ve made this experience pleasant,
New rewards we receive each day!
You promised to never leave or forsake us,
You’re always there when our need is great,
You’ve favored we both in our lifetime,
Whether the path was crooked or straight!
Looking forward on our lives with favor
Looking to You, for what’s instore,
Living our lives as a witness
We’ll praise Your name forevermore!
-Harry Cornelius

the pilot

So I finally have my car back. It was an interesting week. I was told the car would be ready on Friday.

As I'm filling up the rental to take it back, Jim called from the shop and told me they found some loose things that wouldn't be covered under my warranty and I would be paying for them, $70. I asked exactly what was loose and he told me a few bolt. I questioned him but he assured me it wasn't covered.

I am not a woman to just roll over and take it. So I called my dad, the Honda dealer in Bartlesville, and the Tate Boys Tires again. All told me not to pay.

So I get to the dealership and he tells me the cost will be $40. Nice of him to take $30 off, isn't it? And I stand my ground. I don't budge. He finally says, "Well, I don't want you to feel like I'm being unfair so why don't I just take the charges off?"

I got home and felt really bad. I felt like as a Christian I shouldn't be difficult like that. But I didn't want to be taken advantage of because I'm single and a female. I'm fine with it now. Although I still wonder if they think I was a witch. . . .

toys

This is what my dogs do when I buy them toys. I bought them toys after I came home and found two of my favorite pairs of shoes in pieces all over my living room floor. ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

And what do you do with a digger?? Bentley digs all the time. Poor guy can't get away with it either. His nose always gives him away.

happy birthday dad

I've been a bit behind in posting since the olympics started. . .

We took Ed to Michael Fusco's Riverside grill for his birthday. I was told 'no funny business.' But I snuck in some Happy Birthday candles. Gottcha Dad!! Hope you had a great one. You are the best dad ever!!

pilot anyone?

Today has not been a good day. On my way to work this morning on 169, my car, the 17mo old honda pilot, began shaking violently. I was a bit freaked and didn't want to pull over on that freakway of a highway. So I kept going. (I did slow down to 50mph and got the bird thrown at me a few times.)

I tried calling Ed, no luck, 5 times. Then I remembered he was at Ranch Heights so I called Bryan who tracked him down. (Thanks BJH!) In the meantime, my car was shaking even worse when I accelerated. So in panic mode, I called Tod the PA who works at the hospital, since he was a man and should know about these things. He told me it sounded like I had a lose wheel and shouldn't be driving. So I pulled off and headed to Tate Boys Tires. I didn't stop mind you. I dropped my car off and Tod came to pick me up. (Thanks Tod!) Then I called Ed back. I knew he wouldn't be much help but in times like that you just need your dad.

The boys at Tate Boys called me about 30 minutes later. They told me they drove it about 200 yards and it stalled. They pushed it back to the bay and hoisted it up and said the drive shaft had come off. Ok, I don't know a lot about cars but I do know the word shaft is important and therefore expensive. So I called Honda Care, got a towing company to meet me at the shop. Called the Honda Dealership and they got a rental arranged for me.

Here's the kicker, remember how I said I haven't been busy at work?? Guess what today looked like--19 patients. Dr Maloy is on hospital duty and Dr Wingo took the day off. Of all days to be busy it had to be today. And I needed a way back to Bixby and guess who was leaving work early today--my friend who could give me a ride to the rental store. So I had to quit at 3 p.m.

And I haven't heard from Jim the mechanic man. . .

I'm just worn out. Bet my blood pressure is crazy high.

oh life . . .

I've spent the last 3 weeks trying to decide what to do with my house. I'm spending quite a large amount of money on gas. I also drive 60 miles round trip to work and home each day. But I haven't lived in my home long enough to really move yet.

I put some pencil to paper this past week and figured I will lose about $8,000 -$10,000 if I sell now. That's crazy right??? I keep telling myself that. I think if I stay here another year or so I may recoup some of that.

It's so hard to trust God.

I found a fabulous house in Bartlesville and made some money selling less than a year later. It made it possible for me to buy the house I'm in now. And I had such a peace about this house and really feel like God led me here. But why did he lead me 30 miles from the office I would work in??

Some people have told me just to put it on the market and see what happens. But do you know how hard it would be to have a home on the market with two dogs?? And how much work it's going to be to fill all the holes in the backyard from my digger, Benton.

Needless to say, I don't have a peace about anything right now. About staying or selling. God always answers and I just have to remember that.

what God has done

I've been reminded the past week what a fallen world we live in. And don't you just love it when God reminds you Who He Is? I love David Crowder and was sitting down to pay bills tonight when "Come and Listen" came on. The lyrics are amazing:

Come and listen, come to the water's edge,

all you who know and fear the Lord.

Come and listen, come to the water's edge

all you who are thirsty, come.

Let me tell you what He has done for me.

Let me tell you what He has done for me,

He has done for you, He has done for us.

Come and listen, come and listen to what He's done.

Come and listen, come and listen to what He's done.

Praise our God for He is good.

Praise our God for He is good.

Praise our God for He is good.

Praise our God for He is good.

He has done for me, He has done for you, He has done for us.

Come and listen, come and listen to what He's done.

Come and listen, come and listen to what He's done.

Don't we all need to be reminded of what God has done for us? When we are going through trials and doubt that God is near, we have to remind ourselves of what God has done for us. He promises to never leave us and to never give us more than we are able to bear. I would love for you all to leave posts about what God has done for you!

I'll go first:

At the age of 19, when I was so depressed and suffering from panic attacks and wanted to end my life, God gave me the strength to cry out to Him for help. To cry out to my parents and have them come rescue me. He gave me the strength to drop out of college, yes the Type-A Straight-A-Student, and to lose all credit and money for that semester. He gave me the strength to talk to doctors and tell them I was having panic attacks and R-E-A-L-L-Y depressed and needed help. He gave me the strength to admit that I couldn't do it on my own and needed help. And to talk to a therapist twice a week for a month or so. He gave me strength when I went to a doctor for eight months and no medicine he gave me worked and every month or so I became extremely depressed again.

He gave me the strength not to scream when my Christian friends told me, "You just need to pray to God about your unconfessed sins and He'll take you out of that funk."

God gave me the strength to go back to college, graduate in 3 years because the college I transferred to (Evangel) gave me credit for the semester I dropped out. He gave me strength to move back in with Mom and Dad while getting experience for PA School. God gave me strength to apply to PA School, not once but twice, and be turned down that first year.

God gave me the peace to study when my whole world seemed to crumble my first week of PA School when my heart was breaking. I didn't 'soar' that first year of PA School, like I'd done in every other educational venture I'd attemped, but I passed. I didn't have the strength to study and disect but God gave me exactly what I needed.

And you know what, because I went through all that I can stand on this side of that horribly long valley and help others through similar situations. God doesn't give us all the strength and everything we need. He gives us just enough to make it through the day.

I hope you gain a little understanding of my heart that my Savior is sculpting with every trial and heartache I endure. Love you all!!

the Lord must have a sense of humor

So my previous post about boredom was completely turned upside down on Thursday. It began slowly as the other Thursdays have begun for the past month or so. Then we receive a call from a pharmacist questioning a script I had written. Wondering why I was writing for 9 times the usually prescribed amount of Adderall, a controlled substance for ADD that PAs can not write.

What went through my brain:
1. What idiot in the office had me sign an Adderall prescription when they all WELL know I can't write for that. (I was a little freaked out that I could have done this but was not the first thought that came into my mind.)
2. What was I thinking, I could get my license taken away for signing a script for something I can't write. (AKA PANIC )

What came out of my mouth, per office staff:
"Who is going to get fired for screwing up royally? Who gave this patient a script that I couldn't sign? Did you?" (can you feel the fire coming out of my eyes and nose, if not, read it again)

So I looked in the patient's chart. The prescription had been written but I didn't ok it, nor did any of the doctors in the office. Then I wisely asked the pharmacist what the prescription looked like. She said it was on a white 1/2 sheet of paper. I asked her to fax me a copy of that script and not to fill it until I looked at. I also told the pharmacist that we have copy proof blue script paper. Then I asked our front desk lady if she signed for it. There was no signature, and she wouldn't let a script be picked up without being signed for. (I love followers of rules.)

My blood pressure lowered about 40 points because I realized all those silly rules we follow showed I didn't do anything wrong, and neither did any of the staff.

The pharmacist was very dear and faxed it 4 times for me. The first 3 times didn't come through because she was faxing a 1/2 sheet of paper so all that came over was blank sheets. And had to hear my frantic voice on the phone 4 times! Finally the script showed up.

And my worst fear came true. A patient betrayed my trust and was forging my signatures on scripts. I was shocked but not amazed. It's sad what people will do these days. I was told the person could get between $10-$20 per pill!! That's over $1000 per month. The sad part, the pharmacies were filling the scripts. And they had been filling them since March.

So Thursday I got to make my first police report, and hopefully my last. And today I got to contact the DEA in Oklahoma City and the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics. I just can't believe the pharmacies were filling prescriptions on a medication all PAs are not allowed to write. I'm just afraid I'll be visited by many law enforcement people in the next few weeks.

I know not to pray for patience because you'll be tested. Little did I know I didn't want to be praying about being bored either. No longer. . . .

I know Michael and Jesus are getting a good chuckle out of this one, maybe my grandparents are sitting nearby shaking their heads. I can just hear God, "Boy! If Sarah thinks she is bored, watch this!"