MIA

Wondering where I've been? Me too.

Some people call it being depressed. I should've realized, but I didn't.

After Mom died, I went back to work the next week. Her funeral was Saturday and I went back to work Monday. Looking back, I probably should've taken a little more time off. But I was tired of being in her house. Well, that and family. So I went back to work. My humor came out quite a bit. People would ask me to do stuff and I would tell them. "No thanks, my mom just died." After the first week, I was only allowed to use that excuse once a week. I usually used it to get out of cleaning the coffee mugs. I didn't cry even when patients would ask me about her and they didn't know she had died. Looking back, pretty sure I was still in the shock phase.

Then my house sold and I had to find a house. So that took up some mind time.

Then came Christmas. I thought it was going to be fine since we had a precious new family member. Well, it wasn't. Don't get me wrong. I had a great time with the Teals, but it just wasn't the same. And my poor dad, I think he wanted to cry the whole day. If you knew my mom, Christmas was HER holiday. Every room decorated. Christmas dishes. Even the shelves in the bookcases changed for Christmas. Man, she made it so fun.

(My sister and I joke that she loved Jesus's birthday more than ours. One year she didn't call me to wish me a happy birthday until 9pm. And she mailed my sister a birthday card without signing it.)

Then the snow hit, twice. I was suppose to go to STL the weekend before and spend time with my niece and BFF/SW and her son. But the snow put those plans in the toilet.

Then I got in trouble at work. And pretty much lost it. The ugly cry in front of my boss. I almost quit my job right there. During the ugly crying episodes. You all know, snot and tears mixed. And pretty much looking like a dork. So I took a couple days off work.

I realized I wasn't dealing with the emotions, mostly guilt, about my mom. And they all came out.

It was quite cathartic, big word, eh? And realizing/knowing that I didn't kill my mom because I had given her the pain meds. It's hard to say even on here. But I still feel guilty. Emotionally. But in my mind/medical brain I know I didn't kill her. I know that sounds awful. But I made her so comfortable that I made her stop breathing. I know I didn't do it. It's just coming to terms with that.

Then I'm pretty sure I got mad at God. Didn't pray, didn't open my Bible for months. Crazy, when I could feel His love surrounding me and mom during her illness. I didn't feel like God loved me like I needed to be loved. I needed my mom. Then I heard this song. And God spoke to me and told me, "I love you Sarah, and I love your Mom. That's why I had to take her away from all the pain." And I have to keep reminding myself of that fact, every day.

So that's where I've been. I've been depressed but I'm getting over it. And over myself.

As I told a friend of mine, "Get over it."

And I'm trying . . . .

hygiene

So a patient last week asks me if the rash he has is from his lack of hygiene. If you have to ask, then YES it is. He proceeds to explain to me that he is working from home and doesn't shower every day, or every other day. Please don't explain why you don't shower. Just start showering and see what happens. Give it a try. You might like it.

And, by the way, I didn't laugh or gag. I'm getting better, guess that comes with age. :) Best part, I had a PA student with me. He was SHOCKED. Told him to get used to it. Patients will ask weird stuff sometimes. And the ART of MEDICINE is not laughing. Or gagging.

let it snow

So here in Owassy we had 21" of snow. Schools were out all week. The office was closed for two. That's never happened to us before.

It took me 5 hours to shovel my driveway. Or just the path to get my car out of the garage. Never again will I complain about 1-2" of snow.


The dogs really didn't start playing in the snow until today. Enjoy the pics! And hopefully this will end soon!!

blogging

So I haven't been blogging. Couldn't tell, could you?

I'm fine. Just a little depressed. Know how I know that? All I want to do is sleep. And I'm a little bit snippy at work.

Guess it's probably because it's coming up on the anniversary of my mom's death. Seems like yesterday. I sure miss her. We all do.

And hope I'm going to get out of this 'funk,' as dad calls it, real soon.

It is what it is. Deal with it. Right? It is what it is. Can't change it, just my attitude.

But here's a pic of our newest Team Teal member, she sure is cute!! I made us all Team Teal shirts for the hospital--iron on transfers. They were cute, just don't make it through the laundry. Oh well!

faithful

I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything lately. Things got kinda crazy with maybe baby, maybe not. And getting ready for the first set of holidays without my mom, so blogging went to the back burner. My mom would have been 61 on December 14th. And last year we surprised her with a Christmas trip to NYC (she didn't get to go and dad stayed home with her). Looking back on that I feel horrible for even telling her about that. But at that point we all just thought she was having bowel issues. And I second guess myself every time I think about it because why didn't I know something? (So I was dreading December 14th this year. Actually I was really trying not to think about it, mostly avoiding it. Kinda like August 10th, the six month anniversary of my mom's death. But that day we found out Baby Teal was going to be a girl. I haven't been that happy in a long while.) But then Haidyn came on December 14th. So no longer will I have to dread that day. Laura was scheduled to be induced but Haidyn came on her own. In 3 hours. If Laura hadn't been scheduled to be induced none of us would have made it there in time. I'm so thankful God's plans for Haidyn's birth included us!! And how HE knew the wranglings of my heart, even without the words coming out of my mouth about that day--Oh how faithful HE is!!

So 2010 started pretty crummy but ended up fabulous. And now I'm dreading February 10th--maybe there will be a proposal or something. (That is totally a joke :) But really if you have diamonds you can send them to me, from God. :)

Enjoy the pics of my new niece!!

love, Aunt SES

(Jonathan's sister is Sarah as well so Cal's nickname for me has stuck! My initials in case you didn't catch on)

(And do you see the pots in the picture? I had to ask Laura where her pots and pans were when I cooked dinner--Ha! I'm such an idiot sometimes!)

Haidyn's Room

In October, Dad and I went to see Laura and Jonathan in STL. We went for Haidyn's 3D Ultrasound. While we were there, Laura and I did some decorating.

One of my favorite things about my Mom was her decorating sense. We didn't always agree about how many pleats or gathers should be on my drapes, but it always turned out better when I listened to her. Laura and I have missed decorating Haidyn's room with her. I'm beginning to think some of her sense rubbed off on us. We did pretty good together.

One thing Laura cried about after finding out she was pregnant was having 'store bought' bedding since Mom wouldn't be around to make it. God stepped in twenty years ago and introduced us to Michelle, one of Mom's Precept friends. Mom and Michelle are to blame for the 50+ pillows in the Schmidt house. So guess who offered to make Haidyn's bedding? Yup, Michelle.

God is SO Good!!

Of course I can't find the pictures of the bedding but I'll put them on here when I do.

doggie door

Some of you might remember the post about finding the switch to my furnace while getting Christmas boxes out of the attic.

I'm pretty handy, but sometimes I'm a bit over zealous. As in the case of my doggie door.

My new back door is full glass with blinds between the two panes. So putting a doggie door in the glass wasn't an option. Neither was buying a new door--it was like $500. And the storm doors with doggie doors in them were U-G-L-Y. Think 'Rasing Arizona' trailer look. So I googled doggie doors for a month before deciding on the only option.

1. Purchase a doggie door online that could be put in a glass storm door. ($150 + shipping)

2. Purchase storm door. ($280)

3. Have glass cut for doggie door that could fit in storm door. ($185)

See, much cheaper. . .

But no one told me doors come in different widths. Yes, that's right. I bought the wrong size door. The 36" door was just about 4 inches too wide. No one told me to MEASURE.

So back to Lowe's to SPECIAL ORDER a 32" door. And you know what special order means, more expensive.

And then I lost the receipt to the 36" storm door, not to mention the glass with the doggie door cut out. So they won't take it back.

And then I called the glass company, thinking they could just cut down the glass I had already purchased by 4" so it would fit in the new door. Yeah, that was too easy. The glass is tempered and will shatter when cut. Nice.

So another $300 for the new storm door, another $150 for the glass, and I finally have a doggie door in.

As you can see in the picture, it took Bentley awhile to figure it out. Guess he got confused by the glass.

Thank goodness now they're using it!

And, my front door is 36" wide so the 1st storm door is going on the front door.

So much for my brilliant ideas. . . .

Haidyn

Ed and I flew to STL this weekend to see Haidyn in 3D. We had a great time. I had to twist Ed's arm to go but I think he really enjoyed it.

To see pics check out my sister's blog: http://teamteal.blogspot.com

We also were able to help Laura and Jonathan finish decorating Haidyn's room. Laura and I found some really great lined and inter-lined curtains at Lowe's that we just hot glued trim onto. (Please don't tell on us--my mother would hate that we hot glued and didn't sew :) But Laura and I think they turned out really well. I'm still waiting for pictures from her--you might as well check out her blog to see them.

We are so excited to welcome Haidyn into our family. We think she'll fit in just nicely!

tulsa state fair

So since the fair has opened work has been slow. I'm thinking people are spending their time and money at the fair. That's my guess anyway. Makes me sad that people spend their money on that kind of stuff. But, of course, they'll call our office in a few weeks and need some samples to make it through the month because they 'can't afford their medications.' But sure can the $8 Mega Ride at the state fair and the expensive food. Oh well!!

action

So Kristen--here's your laugh for the day.

A patient was brought in for a visit my his mother. He's 40 and mentally handicapped. But I love him. It appears that he told his Sunday School class that he has a staph infection. They won't let him come back without a note.

Side note: he had staph but not the 'bad' antibiotic-resistant kind.

Mom proceeds to tell me that she goes to a different church. But he goes with some friends because 'he gets more action' at the other church.

And I'm thinking it's a different 'action' that I'm thinking of. At least I hope so.

my sis the preggo

Last weekend Laura's friends threw her a shower for Miss Haidyn Elizabeth. We had a great time.

Liz even flew up for the event!! Thanks Liz!!

And the food was fabulous

Thanks to everyone who came!

the twins

Well the twins arrived 8-9-10. Such a great birthday. Ken & Rebecca are AMAZING parents. And not as sleep deprived as I thought. I see them every so often. Sorry this picture is blurry but it looks like they're trying to tell me to shut my mouth. Can't wait to teach them all sorts of things!! Be checking in for more pictures.

Sarah with Abigail and Asher

odors

You know how there are certain odors that when you smell them it takes you back? Like the day before we started school in Bartlesville. Our cat, Toby, got sprayed by a skunk. And then ran through the house. So anytime I smell a skunk it reminds me of being SOOOO nervous about starting high school. And not having any friends. Then I tried to cover up the smell with some expensive home spray my Mom had. It was vanilla. Bad idea. So now anytime I smell vanilla I gag a little.

Well, one of my new neighbors likes to smoke. Mary Juana that is. In the evenings. So everytime I go out in the backyard in the evenings I smell it. It's not all the time, but it's frequently. I'm pretty sure I know which one it is. Not that he leaves his porch light on, but I think I know. And pretty sure he's not using it for 'medicinal' purposes.

So the first time I smelled it, we were in London. Laura and I were staying in a really small hotel room together. It was Spring Break of my freshman year of high school. Mom had taken us on a whirlwind tour of Europe in 8 days. Most of it seen through the windows of a tour bus. But it was fun. But now everytime I walk in my backyard it takes me back. It was a good trip and I have good memories but the smell, not so much. But at least I can smile.

And if you need to relax, you know where to come in the evenings. . . .

the house

So I bet you're wondering why I haven't been blogging. Well here's why:

I've been here 6 weeks and it feels like home already. Laura came down for about 4 days after I moved in and really helped me unpack. She and Ed worked on the front porch and had it done and the flowers planted while I was at work.

This SCHLAGE is SOOO cool. It took Ed and I 3 days to figure out how to program it, but it's so nice to take the dogs for a walk to meet Kylie and Cal at the pool and not worry about taking keys with me. I'm gonna have these on all my houses from now on.


If you didn't know about the fencing incident while it was going on, bless you. I had the fence in my contract, but the builder wouldn't put up the fence until after closing. Because they said they've been burned in the past about fencing and then the house doesn't close, yada yada. Well the mortgage company wouldn't close without the fence being up. So, 1 day before we were supposed to close, the fence is taken out of the contract. It was crazy!! But I'm glad I waited because Dad talked me into putting up a picket on the sides, which I love. And it makes the yard seem bigger and not closed in. And Doc talked me into putting it behind the window to the dining room, leaving more room in the front yard. And the fence people talked me into two gates, which I also love. So in the end I love having to wait! Good things come to those who wait.

Entry

Study

Dining Room

Living Room, with Bentley in the corner

Living Room, from the kitchen

Living Room

Kitchen, from the Living Room

Kitchen

Door from the garage is on the left. It's a strange area. I'm still working on it. The kitchen also doesn't have an island, something I'm working on. I feel like I need more workspace, so I'm thinking about talking with a carpenter about building me one.

Pardon the flip flops

Back Porch

View from the back porch

And lawn I don't have to mow. Well, beyond the fence.

Kid's bedroom

I'm calling it the kid's bedroom because I'm hooking up the Wii and having toys in here. So the adults can hang out in the living room. I also hooked up a VCR because of all the kids movies I have on VHS. :)

Guest Bedroom

Guest Bedroom #2 (AKA Storage)

I know that it seems like I have a ton of space and really don't need 4 bedrooms, but I'm hoping to not move ever again. So hopefully I can find a man and some kids to help fill it up. :)

Laundry Room

Guest/Hall Bath

Master

Master, and yes the dog crates

Master Bath

and Jaccuzi tub

excuse the mess

Master Bath

and shower

I am so blessed. Thank you all for your prayers about moving. I'm so glad to be 5min away from work. And closer to Ed. And enjoy being so close to the Easterwoods. We've been visiting the neighborhood pool frequently. Come by sometime. Just give me a head's up to pick up the underwear!

tim

This week has been hard as we've dealt with the death of Tim Cardwell. Tim was our music minister at FBC when I was in high school. He was also the father of Bryan and Brent Cardwell, two of my high school friends.

He was the best youth choir director, ever. He took us to Washington, D.C.; Colorado; San Francisco; and Orlando, Florida. All 50 of us. He was our fill-in youth director too when we were in between youth ministers, which happened frequently.

He was the guy's church softball coach, who occassionally got kicked out of the games.

He was the guy who wore the BAYLOR class ring and when he wasn't getting things done, it would be used on counters to get people's attention.

But beyond that, he was our friend and role model.

And I think I'm taking it so hard because it hits so close to home. I told my friend last night that I'm too young to be losing my friend's parents. But I guess this is life. And we need to make the most of the time we have. For we aren't guaranteed anything.

The old group is getting together for his Celebration Service next week to sing 'Wings of the Dawn.' Tim would like that.

We miss you buddy and we'll see you again!

And to Bryan and Brent, I'm praying for you guys. . .

rebecca

My bestest PA friend, Rebecca, is pregnant. And having twins!! A boy and a girl. Asher and Abigail. They are scheduled to arrive 8-9-10. Isn't that fabulous? I asked if they could be born at 11:12am. Her doctor said no.

Today we had a shower for her. We had a 'two peas in a pod' theme. It was SO cute. We even had goodie bags with doublemint gum!! I was so blessed to help with two fabulous cooks and one lady with one eye for design. (I've been packing and moving so I just made bread.) We had a great time and I can't wait to meet Asher and Abigail.

Congrats Rebecca!!

finally moved

Well, I finally feel like life is getting back to normal. And I can blog again. Well, in between unpacking boxes. I got my computer back up and running this evening and feel so free! And the internet is up as well. So here are some pictures over the past few days.
Can't wait to have everyone over. The pool is less than a mile away. And nachos de cortez can be ordered for pickup to go with the margaritas. (If you haven't had them, they are fabulous--from Compadres here in Owasso--my co-worker Mandee introduced me.)

That's what you'll get if you come and help unpack!!