late

So sorry I'm not posting. Not that there's anything NOT to talk about. Rebecca having twins. Emmie Easterwood's arrival. House on the market again. Dad's big screen planted above the fireplace. He keeps saying Mom would have thought it looked good. Yeah, I'm gonna go with no she wouldn't.

But I'm just really trying to keep it together. Still not sleeping well. Trying all the over the counter sleep aids. The prescription ones make me too loopy. And not cry all the time.

But things will get better. God is Good. I have to keep telling myself that. He is Faithful. And He knows what I need better than I know myself.

So I'm just plugging along. Doing life. Crying some. Trying to sleep some. Not really wanting to blog. But I promise I'll get better. There's lots of new little ones around. And birthday time.

And my favorite from last week:
Senis

No, not that. It's Sinus. Or was supposed to be. That's what a patient wrote why he came in. First time for that spelling.

And my new patient last week. Whose favorite word was 'honestly.' As in, "Honestly, I usually don't have that big of a poop." (That was my favorite use of the word.) So, of course, we are all saying it now. Honestly.

faithfulness

Got some awesome news today--the lawsuit is offically over.

God is Good.

All the Time.

dogs

I'm taking care of Dad's dogs this week. Let me just say 4 is WAAAYY too many. Any whoo--I found some rawhide rolls for the Springers. They chewed them for 45 min last night before I took them away--and then gave them back to them tonight. What a great treat! The usual bone lasts about 30 minutes.

So here's my night--Reagan and Rusty growling at each other while chewing their bones. Bella chews her bone for a couple of minutes, then has to run through the rest of the dogs and growl at them and then goes back under the dining room table. Repeat about every 4-5 minutes. Bentley 'guards' his bone until the other dogs are finished with theirs and then eats his. It's quite humorous.

Reagan likes to play ball, but I'm behind on my notes so I didn't throw the ball enough for her tonight, I guess. About 15 minutes ago she came in and barked at me and then walked into her crate. I think I just got flipped off, the dog-way.

It's hard not to laugh at them. Because soon Rusty will come out of my bedroom with my dirty underwear on his head or he's tossing it in the air and catching it. But it does make my underwear 'vented' or 'airy.'

Wish I would have gotten some pics or video . . .

nothing to report

I've been told I need to get back to blogging. But I really don't have anything to say. Well, besides my mom dying.

I'm beginning to feel like Phoebe from FRIENDS, who constantly brings up the death of her mother. Like when they are chosing maid-of-honor for Monica's wedding, Phoebe's excuse is that her mom committed suicide when she was 15 so she should get to be the maid-of honor. I actually have used the excuse. Someone asked if I wanted to help clean up the kitchen at work. I told them, "No thank you, my mom just died." It tends to work. Except on my sister. We were looking for something at a baby boutique and couldn't find it so I mentioned that we should probably ask. She asked me if I wanted to do it. My response, "No thanks, my mom just died yesterday." She told me she was going to punch me in the face and then told me her mom just died too. I told her I was sooooo sorry to hear that. I did make her smile though.

So, life is moving on. It's wierd though. It really didn't hit until I got back to Bixby. It's funny how I look around my house and see my mom.

The thing I'm dreading? Going through her closet. Dad really wants Laura and I to go through it so we can give it to people who really need the clothes. It's just that her clothes are so personal. That and they smell like her. I'm keeping the jewelry and the purses. Too bad I don't wear a size 7 1/2 shoe.

So this is going to be my only poor me blog. I don't want to turn this into grief therapy. But I don't want people to think I'm moving on without her. She's with me everyday. I really do miss her. But I'm so glad I'm going to see her again. I just tell myself she's making curtains for my heavenly home. That and keeping track of my thank you notes.

Mom's Slideshow

thanks

I can't begin to tell you all how much you all have meant to me these last few months. We are still feeling all the prayers.

To those of you who traveled near and far to come to the funeral, I can't tell you how much it meant to me. Grandma told me she wished she'd gone to more weddings and funerals before she died. And I really think that's true. It meant so much for EVERYONE to be there. Thank you.

As Dad and I were putting laundry away today, he said, "I can't believe how much things have changed." I nodded in agreement. Now we've got a new normal.

We had a really good day today. Bruce, Kevin and Amanda came by for bagels before heading back to KC. And Laura and J left to get back to STL before it started snowing again. (Let me just say, Laura, J and I together are not good for snow forcasts. We've been in 3 blizzards since NYC in December.)

Dad and I went to church, and I didn't even cry. (Probably because the Lunesta I took last night hadn't worn off yet.)

And then we went looking for a new tv. Sorry Mom, but we're putting a flat-screen tv on the mantle in the family room. She will probably kick us when we get to heaven, but oh well. I'm thinking Ed's house will be the new football watching house.

I took a nap this afternoon. And I think Dad had a really hard time. He said he tried to take a nap and then turned on the tv and realized Sunday nights were the nights he and Mom would watch the travel shows together. I know there's going to be a lot of that in the next few weeks and months. But I have to keep reminding him & myself how much pain she was in and how much better she is now.

And we'll be ok--it will just take some time.

Mom

I'm so sorry about the lack of updates. Things around the Schmidt house have been pretty crazy the last month.

If you haven't heard, Mom was diagnosed with colorectal cancer on the 23rd. We've created a website so we don't have to make 30,000 email updates and phone calls. So if you'd like to keep up to date, check out:

www.caringbridge.org/visit/susanmschmidt

We all appreciate the thoughts and prayers.